30 - Re-introductions, Ten Of Wands (no audio)
Welcoming the 30th entry with a re-introduction, new home and format for the podcast project.
For the audio version with accompanying original divination music, click here.
Dear tarot friends,
There was a very brief window where I thought I would be able to commit to this podcast project again, but it disappeared like a wave reaching shore. I’m still trying to grab those moments by their tails, but ultimately I think I have to change my approach to this. Which means, I cannot promise you how regularly I’ll be releasing new ones, but I’ll do my best.
My original idea was to feature The Tower as my 30th episode, and while that is still very relevant, I think a better card to represent this episode is the 10 of Wands. Click here to listen to this entry, accompanied by original music.
We all know what exhaustion looks and feels like. Ironically, the pursuit of producing this podcast became somewhat of a exhausting, guilt ridden drag. Always churning in my brain in the background. I’m sure adding to my ever growing list of things I need to get done but don’t have energy or time to.
As our lives change, our ability to adapt quickly becomes more necessary. Our ability to stay fluid kind of define how much heaviness we end up carrying with us. Things still need to be done, it’s just how we do them that will define how ‘easy’ it will be for us and the feelings that gets carried along.
Earlier in the year I caught Covid, and I was really concerned with what it would do to my lungs and whether I could ever sing again. I didn’t want to push myself so I left singing alone for a long painful time. I eventually enrolled in a vocal class and learned some vocal hygiene techniques and found my voice again (or more accurately, my confidence). Very recently I caught an online course hosted by vocal coach Arden Kaywin. It was a free short intro course about a new way of seeing our voices, and how traditional vocal lessons really fall short of a crucial area of our voice: our brain.
At first I didn’t immediately see the link, but as Arden opened up the concept more, a light went on in my head and I said to myself ‘why of course this is true’. Unknowingly to myself, having sought therapy and counselling for over a decade for my complex trauma, I found my ‘voice’: my values, what was important to me, how I wanted to give back to my community, what I would fight for etc. Then listening to this course, it turned the unspoken journey of therapy and how it also impacted my vocal abilities and gave me more confidence and my uniqueness (which I always thought was a boon, a gift of doing healing work), out into the forefront of discussion. What felt like just happenstance was now being discussed by someone I do not know across the other side of the world. I guess when we are doing deep healing work, and especially on a collective level, there is that great resonance that ripples across time and space.
While we cannot escape our responsibilities, the ways we decide to carry them matters a great deal. For me, doing deep healing work led to the discovery that I am a really good advocate for others. While I do carry the weight of others with me, I do it willingly and temporarily. I know how to channel my frustrations onto spreadsheets and word documents, where I make note of every single thing that’s happened so I can clear my mind (and trust I can refer back to it later without loosing anything of significance).
I take great care in managing my chronic symptoms, and am constantly adjusting to allow my body to feel and heal what it needs. I would be doing this work regardless of what and how I’m carrying my responsibilities. I have good and bad days, and I’m not afraid to say no and take lots of naps throughout my days.
The Ten of Wands is about heavy burdens, carrying too much to bare, not being able to say no to things, the social media buzz word ‘people pleaser’ comes to mind. I have most certainly been guilty of this all my life, and especially the past couple of years where I had to drop my life in order to care for someone full time (and it was nobody’s fault, it just happened). But what I did differently this time than other times, was not punish myself for it, instead accepting that I had to do it because I cared, and I made that choice. I knew it wasn’t permanent, which made the choice easier. But I also didn’t make it harder on myself and I asked for a lot of help from others too. There wasn’t any of that victim mentality dialogue happening like it used to. And that’s about when I realised I had grown. We may not have had caretakers, parents that knew how to check in with themselves, or draw boundaries, say no to others. So without models, we’re of course going to copy them until we find a better way.
The best way to keep up to date with these posts is by subscribing to my Substack. You can also subscribe to the podcast using your app, but Substack will allow you to read my posts not on the podcast and engage with me directly.
Now I’m going to introduce the new platform Substack.
I shifted hosting platforms away from Spotify earlier this year. I picked Substack because it met a few values of mine, allowing writing along with the audio track. I tend to write first then record so this suits me just fine. But also just moving away from Spotify altogether, felt right. I did not agree with their business values of allowing certain people in power to access millions of listeners and expose them to dangerous ideologies and unfounded claims. You probably can guess who some of these people are so I won’t talk about it here.
I’m also going to try opening up donations. And there are a few ways you can support this project.
When you first visit my Substack page, you’ll be met with a ‘subscribe’ page. You can enter your email address and get notifications immediately, or you can opt to ‘read first’. When you click ‘subscribe’, you’ll need to enter your email address then click on the payment option in the next screen. There are 4 options all with free 7 day trial:
Monthly $5
Annual $50
Founding Supporter >$50
Free (none)
You can also gift a subscription, or subscribe as a group - I’m working on a discount for this group.
The subscriptions are completely nominal and you can cancel at any time. You won’t miss out on much if you choose to subscribe for free. I may release some private posts with downloadable content every now and then. You could even go on a paid plan to access it and then cancel afterwards if you like. It’s totally flexible and up to you. Of course, your donations are absolutely welcome as it’ll help me make more of what you’d like to hear!
Until next time friends x